I'll just get out of the car and make sure she's doin' okay. YOU f***in' calm down! This flat-ass b*tch comes over here, takes over the convenient stores, and they eat up all our god damn DOGS! Come on, b*tch! She could of made the f***ing light, man.ĭid you say "glass", you Frankfurt-eating motherf***er? I buy all those god damn English tapes for you to say f***ing "glass"? It's GLASSES! Man, you f***in' foreigners come over here, you f*** up the language, and THIS B*TCH IS F***IN' UP THE TRAFFIC! If you want to waste this precious gift we call life, I can't stop you. Everybody knows that.Ī happy thing! I think it's time to empty our hands of guns and fill them. So come on, guys! Let's try to find some common ground here. Here on this big crazy mudball we call Earth. and that they know they're stuck with each other. And what do families do? Do they fight? Yeah, but they work it out. That's because we all come from the same family called "Humanity". What's wrong with you people? You're all busy trying to blow up the world in the name of God! Newsflash, f***tards: God doesn't need your help! He's GOD!Īnd He. Bomb!īig bomb-that-could-take-out-a-whole-city-block bomb! Okay, get on the intercom and tell them, "Passengers, we are changing course for the Bahamas!" We can't get anymore than twenty! Screw this, right? Right now, can you tell me the number, absolutely, you can guarantee, Nabi and myself, as far as virgins are concerned? No, that's fine. You've got to be kidding! Does he know where we are here? Give me the phone! Osama, Asif. really? It was one hundred when I signed up! He says not that many anymore! Too many martyrs and not enough virgins to go around! What are you going to do? Anyway, look, Nabi has a question. eh, it's fine, but security, it takes forever, you know. Look, would it make it feel better if we called the big guy? We're talking about ETERNITY here! How long will five virgins last you? Maybe a month? But they're not going to be virgins for long, right? Then you'd have five more virgins than you have right now, right?
What if it's ten, but we had to split them between us? I mean, if it's in the nineties, I can live with that.Īnd hey, I'm not greedy, but what if it's ten? maybe the exact number of virgins is not precise. If they're telling you one thing and they're telling me another, maybe they don't know for sure. and by ninety-nine perfect virgins who will worship us. Praise him! Soon, we will be greeted by Allah, the one true god. Final verdict: 6/10.Congratulations, Nabi. If you're easily offended or reserve your giggles for a more sophisticated type of humour, then just keep on walking because this film is not for you. At least he's finally be honest, ya know? Anyway, if Tom Cruise, 9/11, cults, crap, trailers, racism, swearing, Dave Foley, police brutality, fat people, hicks, the handicapped, and over-the-top violence (often against children) sound like things worthy of a laugh, then you'll probably love this. I mean, Uwe Boll actually stands onstage in his own film, playing himself, and says all of his movies are funded using Nazi gold and that children in the crowd arouse him. However, as the film is so obviously meant to simply offend at any cost, it's not hard to overlook a lot of the flaws and just sit back and laugh at the stupidly ridiculous spectacle that is Postal.
Now, obviously, as it's an Uwe Boll film, you're going to have to expect many of the negative elements that go with it: poor acting/writing/etc. Whether it's threatening Michael Bay, boxing critics, or making an extremely offensive and perverse new comedy, Uwe can cause problems.
#Postal 2 uncle dave how to#
But, he did finally manage to make a good and entertaining one! Say what you will about Boll and his complete lack of artistic talent (and I'll agree with it), but he does know how to stir up some controversy. Could it be? Uwe Boll finally pulls through with a great video game adaption? Well. Little do they know, that a small group of Taliban members is also planning the same heist at the same time. After being laid off from his factory job, getting snubbed at the welfare office, and witnessing his bedridden wife cheating on him with his next door neighbour, the once mild-mannered Postal Dude (Zack Ward) visits his Uncle Dave (Dave Foley) to take part in a plan which entails stealing and re-selling loads of items from the hot new toy craze of Krotchy dolls.